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| Ok im feeling much better today! lol! I talked to Neil on the phone today and everything seems to be better! He's doing ok but I wish he wasn't so damn down! I am starting to think this David kid is an asshole but thats my opinion and I shouldn't say it knowing Neil likes the kid! But that's how i feel! Oh and tonight I hung out with Tyler and he tried to kiss me! EW! I hate that! Y do they always try to kiss you knowing u like someone else? Do they wanna screw things up or make them worse or harder than they already r?!?!?! I so kicked him out! I also heard something about Tyler going to a party this past saturday and almost getting my bestfriends friend raped! I would have gone to that party and been that kid if Neil didn't show up! I am so glad! I let it slip out that Tyler was sleeping over and was passed out on my TOP BUNK! Not the bottom one where I sleep! And my bestfriend drove over in like a heart beat! I had ta shower and get pretty like always lol! I wasn't gonna let my bestfriend Anthony S. see me lookin like crap! Even though he has seen me worse looking than I was already! Lol! He has seen me in my cleaning the Townhouse outfit! EWWWWW! I hated that day! lol! I had to go with him to the dentist and drive us back to my house cuz he was gonna have like major work done or something! He didn't get it done that day so i looked like crap for nothing! It sucked but oh well! Lol! This Friday is my bestfriend Will's B-Day party! I can't wait! AHHH! He was here for my Halloween party and got drunk off his ass and said i was hot! hahahah! Lol! He thought I was the Crow! Like the real deal lol! When I was really me in make up looking like the Crow! Oh god I did my makeup drunk and I pulled it off too! Even though my face was at the bottom of the stairs on the wall cuz I thought it would be funny to slide down the stairs and land on the person passed ont on the bottom of them and smacked into the wall at the bottom! HAHAHAHAHA! And in the morning i was liek WTF IS THAT and saw that WILL had left an imprint of his fake tattoo on my bedroom door so its looked liek a black thing on my bedroom door and no i dont mean a penis to all u pervs! Lol! I am the worst drinker in the world! IM like a mouse! Hahahaha! Give me a drop and im done! Lmao! But I can't wait to see Neil on friday that's after this one! I am so happy he's coming over I miss him a lot! And blah! Yea! NO MORE MICESES DAMNIT! I am still in pain! :: Rubs butt :: :: sigh :: Oh well! Lol! I am not complaining! :: Gigglez :: But yea I really do miss Neil! And I'm so Psyched that he's coming next week! :: jumps around :: :: stops and to fix hair :: :: jumps around some more :: :: stops and falls to da ground :: Ooooooook im done being a dork now! HAHAHAHA! Ah and I just found out that my best friend Aj is single again! And wants me to find him a cute boi! SO if anyone likes Asians LEMME KNOW! He's adorable! Lol! And gives great lap dances! Lol! If I remember right!Hahahha! I was drunk and it was my first gay party so yea shush! I SWEAR TA DRUNK IM NOT GOD!!!! Hahahahaha! That's how I am when I drink lmao! Well not really I just talk alot or I'm just too quiet hahahahah! Oh and forget about it I'm so not remembering what happened the next day! Lol! That's y I drink like once in a blue moon! And when I do I make sure I have one sober good friend making sure no one tries doing anything funny to me and makes sure I dont fall down any stairs or face first anywhere! Like my best friend JP who like totally passed out on my bedroom floor at my Halloween party cuz he was so drunk he fell on his face and didn't even try to stop himself HAHAHHAHA! All I heard was BOOM and I was down stiars in the living room! And then I heard laughs and someone fallin down my stairs! I was like omg someone is fighting or being stupid! And I ran into my bedroom jumping over Someone at the bottom of my stairs hahahaha! And there was Jp flat on his face on the ground passed out! I was like omg is he dead! N people laughed even harder! I AM SO OFF TOPIC LOL! WOW! I really need to focus or not type at 5:15 in the morning! lol I should be sleeping but with that drama tonight I was like whoa whats next I dont wanna sleep and miss something good! Lol! Well anyway I'm so gonna go sleep now cuz I have been here sitting for like 5 min thinking of something to say and I'm drawin a blank which means go to bed silly boy! Lol! MAD<3 FOR NEIL AND PEIN AND THE LIL MICESES! LOL! <Inside joke between Neil and I> YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN BABEZ! hahahahah! GOOD BYE FOR NOW! | | |
| I'm stupid! Yea I know this! I shouldn't trust people! I feel like shyt for making fun of that poor kid on his xanga page! I should have seen that Neil wasn't over his ex! But yea! Life goes on! I feel like I have been let down in life once again! But no worries I'll bounce back from this just liek I have before! I have to learn how to read into people more. See more than I want to see! Look deeper into the person! And that will end me getting hurt! I am not hurt hurt! But a lil let down! I expected more than i should have from neil! I should just be a FRATBOI! And screw everything i like and want! Lol! Erin is the one who told me i should be a Frat Boi cuz I'm pretty! lol! I am sad to say I am a lil heartbroken about the entire thing! Neil was sweet! And a total gentalman! but I'm the moron who fell too fast! I think I'll just forget it ever happened liek a true frat boi would do! And just move on to the next best thing! Which right now is Tyler! Lol! I give up on people all together... There is no hope in this world! People r sex hungry, evil, backstabing, they r all morons, Immature, And hatefull. N much more! Im sitting here listening to the postal service and thinking about neil and what had happened over the weekend. how everything seemed so perfect! I was like really starting to fall for him1 and then boom liek a brick wall he brings up that he was still in love with his ex! I still have feelings for him but now i know that there wont be anything more than a friendship between us! It's hard for me to sit here and just vent like this and i am in no way shape or form trying to make neil look bad! hes a sweet person who just needs time to find himself and where he is in life! meaning what stage or point in life! i have my life planed out! i know what i want and how im going to get it! but for now its the frat boi life for me!  heheheheheh! life goes on like always and like people like to say and i love saying this cause its really true.. " What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger!" And its true! I still have my mind open to new things that come along but more open now than it was before! im not gonna sit here and save myself for someone who is not ever gonna come into my life! Like Erin once told me! First rule of being a fratboi .. " Treat men like underwear!" When u get tired of them u go out and buy a new pair. Meaning once ur done having fun with them leave them. I love Erin! And Nicole! Nicole is my best friend and i love her a lot! She has brought me back out of hiding from people and given me the confidance to be me again! With the help of some... hrm :: coughWEEDcough:: lol! I love you Nicole! 420 now and always hunnie! N Billie! You r the best gay mother a fag can have! I love you with all my heart! U will always be in my heart now and forever! I have you to thank! U have been my emotional support system for about like what 4 or 5 months now?!?! And i have yet to find a better friend than u! U will always have a place in my heart! And chris too! You two r the best parents i have ever had! I love you both and wish u guys the best in life together! u have both been trough alot and r still together and i hope to find someone like that one day! I know hes out there somewhere! But i wished it would have been neil! But oh well things get better with time and heartache goes away! I shouldn't even feel this bad about what happened.. But the thing is! when u give yourself to someone you ant it to be meaningfull and have it be worth the time and effort. I was liek a virgin again and i had sex with neil and there goes that virginity that took me four and a half months to get! But oh well! Im not complaining! It was different! i took a chance and got fucked over! nothing new in my life lol! It happened with ryan, danny, jonathon, angel, micheal, and vinnie! But those were all my own fault! i trusted let people in and got fucked over! im stupid and dtzy like that! i feel that everyone is innocent! WRONG! very wrong! lol! But oh well! thats all im gonna say for now im upset and dont wanna say something stupid on here and have people start hating me! even though they shouldnt cuz i have only spoken the truth and how i feel! | | |
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